August 12, 2014
9 Back-to-School Tips to Avoid Flunking Fall
It's here! The school year is back! Some parents may be jumping for joy, especially those dealing with an eye-rolling teen or a bored 8-year-old. And some are white-knuckling it through the emotional turmoil of prepping a college-bound young adult (when did THAT happen -- didn't he just lose his baby teeth and learn how to tie his shoes?) for departure. Speaking from experience, that's a rough one. Survivable, but rough.
Because the summer usually offers many freedoms -- later nights, lazier mornings and space in between to just be a kid -- the structure of a fall schedule can be a bit jarring for the under-20 crowd.
And while I am no David Letterman (love you, Dave!), I love a good Top 10 List, so below are the Top 10 Ways to Avoid Flunking the Fall.
1. Back Up Bedtime:
No matter what age your child is, chances are the bedtime hour has vacillated a bit over the past three months. Use these weeks before school to start transitioning into an earlier bedtime and a more structured wake-up routine. Ever try to wake a 15-year-old boy at 6:30 a.m. after a summer of sleeping until lunch? Exactly.
2. Collaborate on Calendars:
Add school and sports events to your calendar now, and share that information with your spouse and any other important people in your life. If your child is old enough to carry a smartphone or iPad, have him update his own calendar. This will encourage him to be responsible for his activities and can be a useful tool for tracking homework deadlines and social engagements. If your child is younger, discuss what each week will look like and create a chart that will help him understand his schedule. If your child can't read, use stickers (a sticker of a soccer ball on Wednesday, for example).
If your child is leaving for college, talk through their class load, asking open-ended questions on how they foresee accomplishing schoolwork, any part-time work, sports, social and volunteer responsibilities. By talking with your child about prioritizing their time, you are setting them up for success and showing them that accomplishing a myriad of tasks doesn't happen well without a plan in place.
3. Manage Medical Mayhem:
Make sure your child -- no matter what his age -- is up-to-date on vaccinations and physical exams. It's easier to accomplish this task now rather than wait until the day before football practice starts. I speak from experience here. Also, if your child has late starts and early dismissals during the school year (this is a standard in some Colorado districts), schedule future appointments for those chunks of time. It's much easier to squeeze in a teeth cleaning or eye appointment on those short days than try to do maneuver kids and teens after school when offices are busier and kids are over-booked.
4. Communicate About Communication:
Do you want your college freshman to connect with you daily? Weekly? Via phone? Via text? Via email? Clarify your expectations around this issue now to save headaches and heartaches later. Remember that your college freshman is, for the first time, out on his own. Maybe he doesn't want to check in with you daily; or fill you in on every last detail of his day and night. Maybe you DO, in fact, want to hear his actual voice once or twice a week and would rather not find out about his life on Facebook. Communicating about communication will alleviate future confusion.
If you are parenting a younger child, carve out time at the end of each day to talk. Avoid asking: "How was school?" unless you are ok with getting a "Fine" in response. "Tell me during your science lab" or "What was the funniest thing that happened today" will get your child talking.
5. Role Play Reality:
Help your child, regardless of age, practice his social graces. Role-play introductions to friends, teachers and parents. Discuss the benefits of a firm handshake, a smile, eye contact and decent posture. Remind him that social media is forever, so think long and hard before posting anything that he wouldn't want his grandmother or boss to see. Talk about ways to avoid peer pressure when it comes to drinking, drugs, sex, cheating, bullying and gossip.
Help younger children deal with playground issues by teaching them about walking away or stating clearly: "I don't like it when you push me." Remind kids of all ages that they have what it takes to handle tricky situations, but they can always come to you or another trusted adult if needed.
6. Find a Friend:
Taking your child to college? Make some inroads with the parents of their dorm-mate or floor resident advisor so you have another contact should you need it. Make conversation with other incoming freshmen and their parents without overdoing it; it's not a popularity contest but it is a chance to make some connections for both you and your child.
For younger children, invite a classmate over to play before school starts and don't skip on Meet the Teacher night, even if your child has been going to the same school for years. Having familiar faces to search out is so helpful, no matter your age. Let's be honest, even adults look for someone they know when walking into a party or business function. Give this gift to your child and alleviate a bit of stress for everyone.
7. Navigate the Necessities:
Handle haircuts, new shoes, lunch boxes, school supplies, clothes and toiletries now. Let your child have a say in what he wants to wear on a regular basis and pick your rules sparingly. Forcing a kid to wear collared shirts and khakis while the rest of the pack is in sport shorts and sweatshirts are, um, mean. Agree that you have final say on special occasions (picture day, school plays, etc.). Don't micro-manage things like coats and gloves. Kids figure out pretty quickly that standing at the bus stop in a t-shirt is pretty miserable when it 14 degrees outside.
For the college-bound, stores like Bed Bath & Beyond will allow you to shop for items in your home state and pick them up in another state, making packing the car that much easier. As for clothes, remind your child that less is more in a tiny space -- and that you can always send needed items if necessary. Or use this as a way to entice them home more often...all's fair in love and empty nesting.
8. Make It Personal:
For the shorter set, add notes to their lunch boxes or color on their breakfast napkins -- anything that lets them know you miss them and think about them and encourage them. I've seen blogs about cutting sandwiches and fruit into fun shapes to make little kids smile. And while that's such a cute idea, we both know it won't happen for long. But a quick "Good luck with spelling" on a sticky will do the trick.
For those heading out of the house for college, send a care package! Then send another one! And another one! Kids love getting mail and treats, no matter how cool they are. I would jump for joy if I opened my mailbox and found a box filled with cookies, new magazines and a $20 bill, wouldn't you?
9. Make It Easy:
Hoping your freshman will send letters to you? His grandparents? His siblings? Provide him with a stack of funny cards and other various stationary along with a book of stamps and a list of addresses -- and then just hope for the best. Offer a gentle reminder about how HAPPY his grandparents would be to receive a handwritten note from him. Remind him that his grandparents have been putting money in his college fund since birth.
For more tips, check out my book, Beyond Texting: The Fine Art of Face-to-Face Communication for Teenagers. I wrote it to help children and young adults navigate human interaction, balance real life in a digital world, use technology as a tool instead of a crutch. Happy back-to-school season!
This article appeared on the Huffington Post on August 6 2014 and was written by Debra Fine.
About Debra Fine
Bestselling author, keynote speaker and communication expert Debra Fine began her career as an engineer, an occupation that allowed her to maintain her natural shyness and avoid situations that required social and personal interactions. Fine is the author of the bestselling book The Fine Art of Small Talk: How to Start a Conversation, Keep It Going, Build Networking Skills—and Leave a Positive Impression (Hyperion), and the second in the Fine Art series, The Fine Art of the Big Talk How to Win Clients, Deliver Great Presentations, and Solve Conflicts at Work (Hyperion), both translated and published in 20+ countries around the world. Her newest title, Beyond Texting:The Fine Art of Face-To-Face Communication for Teenagers is to be published May 2014. Fine is a 15+ year member of the National Speakers Association presenting her programs to hundreds of audiences around the world that include Cisco Systems, Google, University of Chicago Booth Graduate School of Business, Texas Association of School Boards, Credit Suisse First Boston, Spectra Energy, General Electric, COMERICA Banks, Alaska Forum on the Environment, Johns Manville, and NYU Stern Graduate School of Business. Her recent media appearances include The Today Show, "The Early Show," "NPR Morning Edition," "Fox Business News" and CNN. Learn more about Fine at www.DebraFine.com