November 10, 2017
The GDCF Comedy Break: 30 Weird Things Only Teachers Understand
Well, it's been a long time, but the GDCF Comedy Break is back again. In the past we've done strange things students say and some interesting and creative excuses for not doing homework. We've also talked about Shakespearean insults and how Star Wars characters could have used online training. It's been fun and we hope you missed us, because we've got something this time that all you teachers out there can connect to for sure.
Today, we take a look at some really weird things only teachers understand. From the ordinary to the extraordinary, if you're a teacher, you'll really get these. Enjoy and have an end-of-the-week laugh!
30 Weird Things Only Teachers Understand
- Actually getting excited when there's no line at the photocopier.
- The feeling you get when that struggling student finally "gets it."
- Being friended by a student on Facebook.
- Trying not to laugh when a student says something completely inappropriate but utterly hilarious.
- Knowing the one day you leave the house in sweatpants, a baseball cap, and with no make-up that you will certainly run into a student or parent.
- Knowing the first names and grades of over 500 different students while having no idea where you left your favourite pen.
- Telling everyone you know to use their "indoor" voice.
- What you're feeling when you know you've explained something twelve times, and you're going on the thirteenth.
- Loving the fact that you are being watched by a class full of students, before you spill coffee all over yourself.
- Being remembered and thanked by one of your most difficult students, who is now a highly successful person.
- Constantly thinking "How can I use this in a lesson" when you're shopping for something.
- When you get a certain sense of satisfaction from laminating something.
- You can feel every muscle in your body relax when you hear the bell ring.
- Catching yourself speaking to your friends and family like they're first-grade students.
- Being able to finish your lunch in 5 minutes flat.
- Thinking your students will stop and listen if you just count down from 5 out loud.
- You're constantly searching online for discount school supplies.
- How you feel when you let a curse word slip out in front of your students.
- You can spot a smartphone smuggler at 100 years in the dark.
- The happiness you feel when you're a substitute teacher and your phone rings at 6:30 AM.
- Trying to change a seating arrangement without making things worse.
- Needing to use the washroom while knowing you don't dare leave your class without any supervision.
- Hearing people say they envy the fact that you get summers off.
- When the only true entertainment you get in a day is from grading students' assignments.
- Those days when there isn't a coffee in the world big enough to get you through the day.
- You're used to feeling tiny hands on your butt when someone wants to get your attention.
- You complain how rough the week was and a colleague reminds you that it's only Tuesday.
- When you find yourself pushing in random chairs at every restaurant you visit.
- Letting one student use the washroom and suddenly they all have to go at the same time.
- Listening to everyone tell you how easy a job teaching is.
Bonus: Strange Things Teachers Say
These are some favourites of ours from Brandi Jordan's article 50 Strange Things Teachers Say, featured on Really Good Teachers. Apparently these are actual things teachers have said—and we don't doubt it for a second.
- “Please don’t bring me presents from the toilet.”
- “Put the fake boob on my desk and leave it alone.”
- “Stop eating your shoe.”
- “Why did you glue your sandwich to your desk?”
- “I’m not sure if fish have testicles. Let’s look that up…”
- “How did you pull your tooth out with your shoe lace while tying your shoe?”
- “Don’t lick the keyboard.”
- “Get that dolly out of the stove.”
- “Smearing food on your neighbour is not the way to show someone you want to be friends.”
- “We are in 5th grade not prison and no one will be ‘shanking’ anyone.”
- "Ignore the dead bat in the corner."
- "We don't store Play-Doh in our pants."
And on it goes. Happy teaching!